maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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