yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
