cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
