I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
