He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
