its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
