His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
