she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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