Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
