He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
