i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I have already put on my inside pants.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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