3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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