The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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