We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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