ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
