does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
