No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
