What did we do last night that was yellow?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
