When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
