So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
