Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Your topless pictures make me question reality
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
