I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
