this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
