No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
