i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Send help, water and tortillas.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's shark week go big or go home
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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