At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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