Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
