if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
