Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
