Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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