When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
