i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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