i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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