Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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