We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
