she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
