Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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