I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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