The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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