I could have mohawked her pubes.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
