I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
