well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
