I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
