That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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