Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
