very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
