I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
