I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
