Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
