Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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