don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
