the condom got lost in my hair
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
