A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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